


untitled bus work

by Anonymous



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Loves Burgers (Supernatural), Crack, Pie, and then argued about the logistics of it for about 15 minutes, i'm pretty sure we created a vegetable-based unit of time in here, i'm sorry eric kripke, listen man i don't even know it was like 3 am when we wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22962151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: this is how my friend and i passed time on a 12-hour bus ride. it originated as that game where each person adds one word and then slowly devolved into just us throwing random sentences into it. i genuinely don't know how to summarize this, you just have to read it.
Collections: Anonymous





	untitled bus work

Bobby-John was a shifter, who ate some pie and didn’t want cake because of Dean’s influence. Sam disagreed with them. Cas ate burgers from a White Castle. Bobby walked again once a fork said “Persephone went willingly.” He fell into lava because gravity is on today. 

“YEET!” said Johannanananana. As she landed, the bananananananananana squished on her pet Bobby-John. 

The Bobby-John said “W H Y?!?” 

Johannanananana said,  
“B E C A U S E you don’t go to potty city enough, and you’re not anti-banana man.” 

Cas was straight-up full but he still wanted some Dean, some pie. A microwave was blowing up in the living room because Sam was not appeased by the pie. 

Kevin decided to retrieve the demon immediately. His name is Azazel. This caused Crowley to spontaneously appear and begin to combust. 

Crowley tried to kill Kevin, as you do. However, Sam and Dean benevolently obliterated him, temporarily. He was revived several hundred carrots later. This was accomplished through sheer spite and willpower. It happens often. The use of measurement by vegetables was commonplace in the trade of monster hunting. It originated with the goal of confusing monsters who had previously been humans. 

Also, it probably has something to do with the fact that it was first used by a pair of hunters who had been captured and were being fed one carrot every half hour until they saved some of the carrots and whittled them into weapons with their fingernails. 

Moreover, Cas had recently run out of sliders. This caused an earthquake that could not be prevented by the employment of sheep’s bladders. It destroyed most of 1886 Charleston. Historians and geologists are angry about this because it made the earth into a banana nana, an ancestor of the bananananananananana which would later be used to squish Bobby-John. It also angered the time travelers who were currently visiting that period, for it had been unscheduled. 

This further led to the creation of dolphins because the answer to everything is 42. As you may recall, a younger and more teenage-punk Crowley would later use dolphins to make an excellent point regarding one of the possible ends of the world. This would influence the religious texts headed by “A Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy”. It is the most influential book of a five-part prophecy. 

Meanwhile, the butterfly effect from Cas’ 1886 earthquake had taken all the pie from the 6 nearest grocery stores to the Kansas bunker. That was a catastrophic issue for Dean. Sam, Bobby, Bobby-John, Crowley, Johannanananana, Kevin and Azazel (who had been watching the carnage) took shelter, for Dean was likely to take the news of lacking pie stores badly. Bobby had removed himself from the previously mentioned lava for the sole purpose of taking shelter. This had also been done completely out of spite. Unfortunately, Cas was distracted by the loss of sliders, and thus fell victim to the full brunt of Dean’s pie-less rage.

Cas, in a last-ditch effort to save himself and the various hunters/monsters in the bunker, zapped to the seventh-closest convenience store. He ran to the wide-eyed college student behind the counter. Cas lifted the alarmed boy by his polo’s collar from across the countertop and asked fiercely, “WHERE IS THE PIE?”

“We’re out of pie, buddy, but we’ve got cake.” 

“I. NEED. PIE. DEAN NEEDS P I E.” 

With the flutter of wings and the rustling of air-filled chip bags another angel appeared behind Castiel. Metatron sighed, his brother had become too attached to the human Dean. 

“Castiel, please put the virgin down.” 

“It is a life-or-death situation, I will liberate the virgin once I have obtained the vital pie.”

Metatron produced a gourmet pie in his hands and presented it to Castiel. Cas flew back to the bunker, where pie-less Dean had nearly discovered the assorted residents of the bunker sheltering under a dungeon entrance.

And so another apocalypse was prevented by Team Free Will and their various acquaintances.


End file.
